THE STORY

(song titles are in parentheses)

 

 

Date:     A time of wonder

Place:    A land of pure enchantment, in & around a village north of Copenhagen

 

If the Shoe Fits is a comic fractured fairy-tale inspired by Hans Christian Andersen stories, Viking legends and Danish folktales.  It’s Christmas Eve.  There’s a clot in the royal Danish bloodline.  And a cast of irreverent characters, each on a personal journey, discovers what happens If The Shoe Fits!

 

PROLOGUE — A STAGE AND A TOWER OF ELSINORE

Our show opens on a darkened stage. Mist circles the floor and a faint wind whistles.  We are deep in the cellar of old Kronborg castle, close by the Sound of Elsinore.  Out of the darkness walks HOLGER DANSK, legendary Viking and protector of Denmark.  Legend has it that Holger is a mighty warrior who never died.  Instead he sleeps in Kronborg where he dreams, and in his dreams he sees everything that happens in Denmark.  On each Christmas-eve an angel comes to him and tells him that all he has dreamed is true, and that he may go to sleep again in peace, as Denmark is not in any real danger; but should danger ever come, then HOLGER will rise from his slumber to protect his country.

   There is something strangely alluring in his manner as he walks downstage and sings of his beloved land.  (SISTER COPENHAGEN)  As HOLGER sings, ANGEL runs onstage.  ANGEL is a kind, hypersensitive, comical little… well… angel.  He informs HOLGER that the Danish monarchy is in danger.  It seems there is a clot in the royal blood-line because Denmark’s befuddled crown prince, HAMLET, cannot bring himself to pick a bride at the Christmas Festival later that evening, which he is required to do by law.  The Viking is instructed by “the big Viking upstairs” to remedy the situation with the help of an orphan girl named KAREN and a pair of magical red shoes.  As HOLGER and ANGEL set off to find the girl, the scene shifts with an explosion of activity, and we are transported to a bustling harborside marketplace on the outskirts of Copenhagen.

 

 

SCENE 1 — THE MARKETPLACE

There is a great cacophony of sounds as the local townsfolk rush about in the frenzied throes of last minute Christmas preparations.  Carolers rejoice in the tidings of the season, while the townsfolk shop, wheedle, and lament their sagging Christmas spirit (ANOTHER CHRISTMAS).  In the midst of this activity, KAREN enters.  She is a sixteen year old girl, pretty but dirty and disheveled because of her work as a scrub girl.  She is impulsive, feisty and slightly rebellious — traits that get her into trouble.  But, she is also compassionate, bright and idealistic.

   KAREN is ignored by the townsfolk, whose holiday fury slowly begins to boil.  Into this musical madness comes Princess Olgivanna Masha Irina Natasha Anastasia Amnesia Stroganoff Smith of Russia.  She is a powerhouse of a woman — a commanding presence — strong, forceful and emotional.  IVANA has come to attend the Christmas Festival, but she is lost and seeks the castle Elsinore.  She is quickly sent on her way by HOLGER (in disguise) with ANGEL (also in disguise) as her traveling companion, SERGEI.

   No sooner does IVANA exit than Prince HAMLET enters with his good friend ROSENCRANTZ.  (Ours is a very not-quite-Shakespearean version.)  Twenty-nine years old, clearly intelligent and articulate, HAMLET does not possess the verbal acumen he will later develop in the hands of the Bard.  HAMLET is, of course, feeling melancholy and unable to make up his mind about anything.  As they cross the stage, he whines to ROSENCRANTZ about the Christmas Festival, at which he is supposed to announce his as-yet-unchosen fiancé.

   As a means of setting his plan in motion, HOLGER takes advantage of a fast-spreading rumor which claims that HAMLET is running away from the castle to avoid choosing a bride (THE RUMOR).  The rumor spins wildly out of control and HAMLET, who overhears the story, decides it best leave Denmark.  At that, the song builds to a frenzied crescendo as the townsfolk explode in panic over their Yuletide obligations.

 

 

SCENE 2 — The Cobbler Shop

At the local cobbler shop we meet a young apprentice named FREDERIK.  He is a tall and somewhat gangly young man — sincere, studious and responsible, if also a bit meek and easily flustered.  He is in love with Karen, but has been too shy to tell her of his affections.  Today, however, he intends to express his feelings and, as the scene opens, we see FREDERIK nervously practicing what he’ll say to KAREN when she arrives.  (LIKE ME) 

   KAREN excitedly bursts into the shop and reminds FREDERIK that today is the day she has been longing for because it is the day she is to audition for the town's ballet company.  FREDERIK upbraids KAREN for what he considers to be silly fantasies, while KAREN defiantly berates FREDERIK for his lack of understanding.  The two are soon bickering.  In twin soliloquies, each sings of their hopes for the future: KAREN to become a famous ballerina and be loved; FREDERICK to marry KAREN (MY DREAM IS ON ITS WAY).

   After a moment, FREDERIK finds himself apologizing and wishing KAREN well as she leaves for her audition.

 

 

SCENE 3 — THE STEDLIG BALLET STUDIO

The room is a bare-bones rehearsal room of the small-town company.  It has a big mirror, dance barre and not much else.  Sitting in the room’s only chair is the BALLET MISTRESS, a haughty, bitter French woman who still retains something of the regal and elegant air she once embodied as a young prima ballerina with the Ballet du Paris.  She is distracted by hunger pangs as she watches several ballerinas ineptly perform a simple dance routine.

   KAREN stumbles (literally) into this environment.  She tries to explain her wish of becoming a ballerina, but the wicked BALLET MISTRESS will hear nothing of it.  She is outraged by KAREN's naïve fantasy.  She chides KAREN for daring to imagine herself in the ballet explaining, "Great ballet is not some hobby for every stupid farm girl who fancies herself a dancer!  To dance is to be enchanting... to cast a spell over the heart and soul... It is not to be blasphemed by some filth from the streets!"

   The BALLET MISTRESS is soon joined by her snooty daughter, FIFI Fabergé limoges du Pied, a poised and pretty young woman whose sense of her own beauty and talent far exceeds reality.  They begin ridiculing KAREN (CRAZY LITTLE GIRL), mocking her hopes and deriding her appearance. 

   Humiliated, KAREN runs from the room in tears.

 

 

SCENE 4 —A Street Near the Ballet Studio

Still sobbing from the ballet studio, KAREN runs into a dirty old BEGGAR and his “dog” (HOLGER and ANGEL, in another disguise).  KAREN befriends the BEGGAR who, in return, tells her of an old soldier who lives at the edge of the forest.  The old soldier has in his possession a pair of magical red shoes, which will make whoever wears them the most famous dancer in the world.  FIFI, who has secretly followed KAREN, overhears all of this.

   With a new resolve, KAREN sets out to find the old soldier and his magic red shoes (MY DREAM IS ON ITS WAY Reprise).

   FREDERIK runs on looking for KAREN.  He encounters the ANGEL, who inadvertently tells him of KAREN's journey to find the old soldier.  FREDERIK hurriedly sets out after KAREN.

 

 

SCENE 5 — The Ballet Studio

Back at the studio, FIFI recounts the tale for her mother, the BALLET MISTRESS.  With malicious glee, the two plot to find KAREN and "beat her for the shoes."

 

 

Scene 6A — The Woods Outside of Elsinore

We are soon in the woods outside of Elsinore, where we see HAMLET pacing nervously and talking to a SKULL (poor Yorick's, of course).  And the SKULL is talking back!  HAMLET has run away from the castle as he said he would, but now he is beginning to have second thoughts about his flight.  He and the SKULL are engaged in a verbal debate, when KAREN happens upon them. 

   After some initial hesitation, HAMLET explains his intentions to flee from the Christmas Festival.  When KAREN asks why, HAMLET tells her of the Certificate of Royal Authenticity within which is writ the “Wooing Clause” — paragraph 56 to be exact.  It states that a prince must choose a bride by midnight of his 29th Christmas or one will be chosen for him.  Well, this is the eve of HAMLET's 29th year and he is not yet betrothed.  Needless to say, HAMLET is in a pretty rotten state.  (THE WOOING CLAUSE)

   KAREN tries in vain to uplift HAMLET and get him to see things in a more positive light.

 

 

Scene 6B — ANOTHER PART OF The Woods

Meanwhile, in a nearby part of the forest, IVANA enters followed by SERGEI (ANGEL in disguise).  She is angry because they seem to be lost and traveling in circles.

   FREDERIK runs on and nearly collides with IVANA.  Both, it seems, are searching for something:  FREDERIK he is looking for KAREN and IVANA is looking for Elsinore and prince HAMLET who, she confidently predicts, will chose her for a bride at the Festival that night.

   When FREDERIK tries to help her locate Elsinore, IVANA takes an immediate liking to him.  When she inquires into the nature of his relationship with KAREN, FREDERIK explains that, while he loves KAREN, he isn't able to express his feelings to her.  IVANA scoffs.  Stating that "love is like big jungle, so you must grab like bear with claws and speak with heart," she eagerly dispenses romantic advice and a few courting techniques to her newfound friend.  (The WOOING CLAWS/DA, YOU DANCE!)

 

 

Scene 6C — BOTH PARTS OF The Woods

These two distinct scenes merge in song, (THE WOOING QUARTET) becoming separate pairs of a single quartet in which the savvy women teach the wimpy men about the fine art of love.

   At the end of their respective verses, FREDERIK accepts IVANA’s invitation to join her at the Festival, while HAMLET convinces KAREN to join him at the Festival and use her “common sense” (she is a commoner, after all) to help him pick a bride.  Elated with this plan, HAMLET returns to Elsinore and KAREN eagerly goes on to get the red shoes for the festival.

 

 

SCENE 7 — THE EDGE OF THE WOODS

KAREN soon finds herself alone in an ominous part of the forest.  It is deserted and still, except for the screech of an owl and the cries of the wind.  There is a great whirlwind of snow and a mysterious tinkling of bells.  When the snow settles, we see HOLGER dressed as the old soldier and the magic red shoes.

   KAREN is about to take the shoes as FREDERIK races on and stops her.  He warns that there might be danger hidden within the shoes' magic.  He begs her, instead, to wear a lovely pair of white shoes that he has lovingly made for her as a Christmas present.  Moved by FREDERIK's gift and his concerns, KAREN hesitates over taking the shoes.  HOLGER reassures her that the magic of the shoes will be a good one, if the wearer's heart is pure.  He persuades her to take the shoes (WHAT'S THERE TO LOSE?).  But before KAREN leaves, he cautions that the magic will lose all its power if three things come to pass: "if a mouse embraces a bear...if a wicked enchantress is silenced...and if a swan gives her heart freely to a hunter."  Promising to remember these words, KAREN exits.  

 

 

SCENE 8 — A ROAD IN THE WOODS

On her way back to town with the red shoes, KAREN is overcome with happiness at both the red shoes and FREDERIK’s remarkably thoughtful — and unexpectedly romantic — gift.  (WHITE SHOES)  Suddenly, she is confronted by the BALLET MISTRESS and FIFI, who have been lying in wait for her.  In an act of unbridled evil, the two assault KAREN and steal her shoes.  (CRAZY LITTLE GIRL reprise)

   As KAREN sits sobbing in the road, ANGEL happens by.  He tries to comfort her by explaining that FIFI and the BALLET MISTRESS will soon get their comeuppance, and that she doesn't need any magic shoes to be beautiful.  KAREN is too distraught, however, and ANGEL's words are little comfort.  Then he tells her of a powerful magic that always helps get him through rough times.  It's called THE MONSOOPEECHU VOODOO.  He performs a silly, hula-like incantation with intentionally exaggerated movements… and a special message: KAREN already possesses all the strength and beauty she'll ever need. 

   KAREN is soon giggling at ANGEL's antics and trusting in his words.  And with that, the two set off for the big Christmas Festival.